i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
