Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
