She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
