at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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