I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
