His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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