Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
