just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
