so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
