Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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