You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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