Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
