I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm just crazy horny about you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
