She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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