Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
