Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
