what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
