so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
