The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
