If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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