Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
