Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
