i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just had sex on a roof
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
