Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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