I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
