I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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