:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
