I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
