I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
