when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
