eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
