i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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