I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize