...so i touched it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
