bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
