i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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