some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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