a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
