he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
