This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
