have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
