Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
