I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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