Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize