woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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