Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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