Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
