i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
