I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
