fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
