He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
