first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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