it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
