I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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