he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
