lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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