you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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